January 21st, 2005

you know

ever just want to give up?

this is rediculous. seriously. i damn near have a 2 day long anxiety attack when i know i have to make that drive. i'm on edge, everything sounds like a bad idea, i don't eat, don't sleep very well, and pretty much just want to lay in bed with the covers up. and this time i'm making that drive for something fun... like i have a planned event, not just visiting. and yet somehow... the thought of crossing the bridge makes me want to stop breathing. i figured it'd get better as time went on.... but i just want to go in the opposite direction. always.

i really don't know what to do anymore or how to fix it. i give up. i concede victory to the panic attacks.