September 24th, 2001

you know

:( sad girl!

for the past few weeks it's been getting to me just a little bit about the whole not having a bf thing. like not enough to make me so sad, but enough that it's in the back of my mind. untill today! i was talking to kyle about his gf and stuff and he started in on this whole "why don't you have a bf yet?!?! you're julia you always have someone. you're used to breaking guy's hearts and going for the next one. why are you not with someone?" and that made me sad. #1) i don't and never have gotten all the guys and he made it seem like this endless supply falls at my feet. #2) i don't want to hurt them. i try not to. i always get hurt, so why he thinks I'M the heatbreaker i don't know. #3) why would he go on and on about it? it just made me go "fuck!" then at work to make matters worse, all the hooter's girls came in from the calendar shoot. they were like a size 2 with boobs bigger than their brains and every guy in the store just stopped what they were doing to watch them. that sucks. way to make the already low self esteem plumit. i want to sleep now. here's the catch tho. as i sit here being pissed off at guys for wanting prettier girls than me, i'm just as superficial as they are when it comes to the guys i date. of course, i need to be attracted to the person i'm with. so i can't really be mad at guys for not liking me, but i am anyway. it's so dumb! i feel like i should've already figured this out by now, but i guess i chose to deny it. all i know is that i used to get hit on a lot, and now i never do. ever. this is shit.
  • Current Music
    crimson and clover